MGA RANDOM NA SALOOBIN

sa totoo lang i'm so concerned about my health, pero wala akong disiplina. i can never form longform habits and i'm always giving up on shit. recently naglalakad ako ng mga 6-7 (har har) libong steps kada araw and i'm feeling pretty good about it pero iniintay ko na lang yung balang araw kung kelan ako susuko uli kasi hindi talaga ako consistent na tao. aaminin kong tamad ako! people like to say that laziness isn't real, it's a concept invented by capitalism and whatever pero honest to god tamad talaga ako. kung bibigyan ako ng option lagi akong tatamarin.

i could make some excuse here about how my laziness is born from being forced to do things against my will for much of my life, so now i revel in the opportunity to do nothing. hindi naman ako tinatamad when it comes to things like commissions or doing things i actually like now that i'm back on my medication, pero pagdating sa mga gawaing-bahay ayoko talaga. nakakahiya. laki laki ko na tas ayaw kong maglampaso? tanginang yan!

enywey back to my health, it's hard to balance needing to cut down on sugar and cholesterol now that i'm on HRT with not falling back into patterns of disordered eating. i hate depriving myself. the misery of not having my little treats brings me a little too close craving the comfort of cutting out food entirely. para siyang toxic relationship haha. alam mong masama para sayo pero namimiss mo yung comfort niya.

i'm trying not to punish myself for indulging every now and then. kagagaling ko lang sa grad party ng best friend ko at kumain ako ng cake, egg pie, uminom ng coke, etc. alam kong pwede namang everything in moderation pero it feels like i failed somewhat nung kumain ako ng matamis at namiss ko kaagad yung mga kinakain ko dati. my gad!

enywey ayun lang. i feel its better to have this on a space that's entirely my own than divulging this personal shit all over a public social media site where i have like over 1k followers. peace ✌🏽